Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Miscarriage Remembrance Day

Today is Miscarriage Remembrance Day. {{HUGS}} to all those who have experienced a loss. Please feel free to share your story if you have one. I am posting mine because I like to share & let others know there is someone else out there who has been there, done that, not because I want sympathy.

Here's my miscarriage story:
Back in 2006, my husband, son & I had just moved into a new house. I was out of work to stay home with my (then) 11 month old son. We were not trying to conceive, but not avoiding either. We had a holiday party scheduled on a Sat night in the middle of the month, and I had not had a period in a few weeks, and wanted to be sure it was ok to have a few drinks should I so desire. I tested on a Friday, and it was negative. Still no period on Tuesday, so I re-tested, and lo & behold, it was positive! I was very surprised because I had taken some medication to aid me in getting pregnant with my son, so I had never imagined it would be so easy. The + test was on 12/19/06. I broke the news to my husband & the rest of the family on Christmas morning. Everyone was very happy for us, despite the fact that we were a little concerned with how we were going to manage with me being out of work.

After Christmas, I had a close friend come visit me. While I was SUPER excited about this visit, I was also a little bummed, because just a few days before, I had started spotting. My OBGYN wasn't too concerned, and really, there wasn't much we could do if I was in the process of miscarrying, other than wait it out at that point. I tried to put the fact that I was bleeding in the back of my mind, and our visit was very nice!

Unfortunately, I didn't stop bleeding, and eventually, it got heavier, and was accompanied by some pretty severe abdominal cramping. My doc referred me to the ER, where I spent an evening in limbo. They did several internal checks, blood test, and a sonogram. Everything looked ok, despite the fact that I was still bleeding, so I was sent home, on pelvic rest.

A few days later, I was still bleeding, so I went back to the doc for another blood test. This time, it revealed that my Hcg levels (pregnancy hormone) were lower than before, and it most likely was not a viable pregnancy. While I had accepted this in my head, my heart just didn't want to, though hearing it from my doc made it a little easier. She gave me the option to have a D&C or to just let my body do it's own thing since it seemed to have started to anyways. I chose the D&C, mainly because I was so emotionally drained, I wanted some closure. Everytime I went to the bathroom & wiped blood, it was a constant reminder that my body wasn't doing what it was supposed to (or maybe it was?) in carrying my sweet baby. I had the D&C on 1/19/07, a month to the day after my + home test.

We were told there was no reason to wait to begin "trying" again, once I'd gotten my first cycle after the surgery, but decided that we weren't ready emotionally yet. Well, in April, 2 days after my yearly exam, I tested + again! My sweet daughter was born on Dec 19, 2007, a year to the day of the + test with my "angel baby"

My "angel baby" due date was Aug 23, a date that I will always remember. In fact, I "celebrate" it every year, buying a small flower to put on my desk at work, and just remembering. Here's a scrapbook page that I did in remembrance:



Here are some links that I found helpful when dealing with my miscarriage:
Facts about miscarriage
Pregnancy & Infant Loss

I purchased a memorial necklace for myself after my loss, which I still wear on occasion. It came from La Belle Dame, and was her "Forget-me-not memorial pendant" I purchased mine to have 3 dangles, 1 for Dec (month of conception, and when I found out I was pregnant), 1 for Aug (due date month) & 1 for Jan (month of loss). These months are significant in more than just my loss; my husband's birthday is also in August, and my son's birthday is in Dec (and my daughter too, now). One Saturday morning while sitting here at the computer, I kept seeing a red light dancing on the wall, and for the life of me, couldn't figure out where it was coming from. Finally, it dawned on me that the sun was peeking through the blinds and catching my necklace & making it reflect on the wall. I knew it was my angel baby letting me know I was being watched over.

Below you will find several "blinkies" that you are more than welcome to lift from here for your own use. I only ask that you host them yourself rather than linking to mine.

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2 comments:

Kadi said...

Are you in CA? My sister needs a doula and I saw that you have connections :)
kadirprescott(at)hotmail(dot)com

Suz said...

I have a similar miscarriage story... sorry about your loss.

I wanted to let you know you won on my bloggy giveaway at familycents.blogspot.com

Please send me your address via email at suziqzer@yahoo dot com

Congrats on your win.